I have always been more than a little prone to hero worship, whether it was my more than a little strange infatuation with the rise and life of Arnold Schwarzenegger (don't ask) to a senior in my high school and lastly to one of my fathers business partners.
Now I spent a lot of time psycho analysing myself and trying to figure out what makes me tick and I concluded that my propensity for hero worship is due to growing up as the youngest member in a big household that is all female; my father is almost never home during my late child-hood. Therefore I probably tried to over-compensate by prominently displaying my masculine attributes and form attachments to figures whom I found "manly."
My first father figure/male role-model in retrospect was a hugely positive influence on my life; he inspired me in so many ways and I idolised my every perception of him. I met him in high school where we were in the same boarding house. I joined debating, fencing, and computer science almost solely due to his influence and these activities each in their own way helped to define me as a person. He was and still is the personification of raw talent; and I found myself lacking in trying to emulate his achievements. However, as with all heroes (in literature and in reality) they fall. While he was blessed with talent that is second to none, he also lacked that ability to concentrate on any particular discipline for long. The last thing that he taught me that talent by itself is not enough and that success depends on equal amounts of talent, hard work, and luck. But he inspired me to reach out and try to better myself. The bar that he set for me was almost impossible for me to achieve but in the vain attempts I become a much better person because of it.
The second is one of my fathers business partners. For a short while he was a father figure to me. Guided me in ways that my own failed to communicate, taught me a lesson that I have been applying with a certain amount of success:
"It's not what you are, it's what people think that you are."
His fall (as my hero and mentor) is also defined by that statement, because I realised that is all he is: show. Lacking in any real substance, lots of talk but little action. Plenty of good ideas but a complete lack of ability to execute. I was devastated when one of his former employees described him as "eating soft-rice" a euphemism for someone who lives off his wife. I was offended by that notion and tried to defend him - but unable to. My perception of the man shattered, but I felt that at least he was a good moral guidance - showing me the way forward in trying to reconcile my Chinese heritage and Western Education. That too was shattered after a small misunderstanding over the amount of R800. Considering that my fathers dealings with him run into the tens of million, for him to show me so much spite and malice over such a insignificant amount furthered destroyed my opinion of him. Over time I lost whatever respect I had for him when he started calling me incompetent behind my back and blamed me for the failures that him the managing partner was responsible for.
Today, I not only have no respect for him I actively loath him as a person. I write this not because rage nor sadness, but rather as another interesting view on my own emotional development and ponder on how someone can fall from such heights.
