Open Letter of Apology to My Lecturers and Professors

Dear Sir/Madam

Since leaving university I have been out in the real world earning (mostly) a real living and doing (dare I say) real things.

Now let’s get the most obvious out of the way - without the education and the brand name of the university behind in my CV and resume I doubt I would be here where I'm today. While university education doesn't guarantee you a job it does get you an interview (I would know I have been interviewed for at least 40+ jobs since leaving).

No, what I want to thank you all is the amount of time that you have had me writing Bullshit (hereafter referred to as BS for my more sensitive readers).

You see, while at university doing what my engineering and science faculty counterparts call BS (aka Business Science) I was definitely engaging in activity what I was willing to concede as BS about 80% of time. Now take statistics for example, while it is rooted in robust science and firm academic foundations it is hard to understand how most things (if anything) ever really fits into the so called "normal" distribution. I went through all my years of university using OLS (ordinary least square) regression for just about EVERYTHING I do. The assumptions attached these models are somewhat dodgie and to the uninitiated might seem rather like hardcore science I found the expectation that NO VIOLATION of these rather tedious assumptions to be rather far-fetched. In short, while I fully believe that if we’re able to properly satisfy all the assumptions built into these models would definitely have powerful explanatory powers; the chances of me ever running into such a perfect example has the same chance of me winning the lottery (incidentally around 12 million to 1)

So basically I was never truly convinced by just how robust these models of realities are, but regardless like a good boy I soldiered on, learning everything my lecturers have to teach me and defend these very concepts that I take with a (HUGE) pinch of salt. Effectively I was brainwashing myself to: stretch the truth, ignore limitations, and sometimes just blatantly lie out of my hole but do it with true conviction; even while I (not so) secretly mock and ridicule these methodologies. Of course while I mock the methodologies I also openly mock my lecturers and professors for shoveling this BS down my throat. But I persevered, thinking that one day when I reach the "real" world I would be free from it.

I was so wrong.

Academics was only secondary compared to what my true education was about. A lesson in writing the most magnificent lies and half truths that my clients, executives and "leaders" can appreciate; not their accuracy but rather how magnificently I have turned BS into a work of art. Really none of these people who read my reports and presentations are stupid; instead they merely enjoy the inverse correlation between my conviction and reality of my words.

So here, I sincerely thank you all - my teachers and mentors for these wonderful skills that you have bestowed upon me and just how grateful I have been for your dedication to making sure that your charges obtain the best possible education that you can give and how I have reaped the rewards of your actions.