This familar feeling

It hurts, there is no longer any need to deny it to myself or anyone else should I be confronted by it. I have completely and hopelessly fallen in love with a married woman.

Simple words that carry so much weight and so much guilt. It's been years since I felt this way and even longer since I have felt this alone, this helpless and this obsessed with a single person.

My heart is broken and a thousand little cracks has formed and it feels like my hearts life blood is flowing through; along with all my insecurities, fears, pain and scars.

Yes, you are definitely the rock that will smash my heart into a million pieces

I have fallen in love, again

Originally this posts title was "Seriously? How can I possibly be upset" and I realised quickly that I'm lying to myself. I know exactly why I'm so upset.

Today is my 35th birthday, while I never expected you to be spending it with me; I wished and hoped you would. At least an attempt? Lie to me, tell me all kinds of excuse why you couldn't and I will believe you - because I have fallen hopelessly in love with you.

Seeing you tonight with someone else was heartbreaking. I felt the earth gave way under me and I free fall towards the centre of the earth. All I wanted to do was find myself a hole and cry myself to sleep.

I feel like I have been doing  this all wrong; all wrong.