My opening disclosure to all posts: I'm not that naive; at least no more naive than the average person. I've accumulated enough experience at work and in life to know that while my own internal monologues (such as this post) boarders on naivete, but my actions portray me as someone who is neither unwilling nor innocent participant to this somewhat cut-throat world.
I have long since found that contradiction in myself and wondered many times on this blog whether I'm a just a big hypocrite or a dualist whole seems to hold two different sets of ideas simultaneously - or "Doublethink" and "Doublespeak" from George Orwell's 1984.
Take the topic of marriage - I have no doubt in my mind that I will eventually marry and these days the prospective of marriage is growing more and more appealing. However, on this blog and in my own heart of hearts, I can't fully commit to the idea since I believe it to be a fool's errand. However, the subject of marriage has been exhausted in my own mind and (I suspect) on this blog; so I won't venture there and instead focus on the subject of work, brotherhood and politics.
Two weeks ago, I was having dinner with colleagues from my project (I suppose I should get used to calling them subordinates). We were gathered to celebrate the wonderful occasion where one of them has been offered an employment contract with the Operator now that the project has ended. They offered him a competitive package and I couldn't be more than happy for him. We ate well, drank some wine (almost all of them are generally teatotallers and drank only when the occasion calls for it. Before long, the proclamations of brotherhood started and probably for the first time I actually felt swayed by it.
I was moved by the incredible support by all around the table, spirits are high and it seems like everyone was drinking my future success in the bidding process of another similar project with the No.2 operator in Cape Town. As it stands I personally believe we only have about 30% real chance of winning this bid and that's only if the tendering team gets their acts together and play well with each other. But without a doubt its a great opportunity for me. If I'm able to win this tender it will be a watershed moment in my career; the financial rewards for me will be minimal since I'm not part of the sales and tendering structure. My prize would be the chance to run my own project, for the most successful operator in Africa and gain a foothold into the telecoms industry.
As I finished the above paragraph, the cynic in me paints a more and more vivid picture of why they acted the way that they do. That picture now seems so logically and so real that any further thoughts of presenting the other possibility seem futile and infantile. So let me try to describe this picture on paper:
Should this project happen, I will be the man who can grant continual employment and potentially cushy jobs that offer many benefits without risks; and without any players in the game present they lose nothing by saying this things to me.
So I guess, all that is left to say is that I want to believe them; I want to believe that they really do have my best interests in mind and when the time comes support me in my endeavor not to gain the most financial gain in the shortest time possible, but rather to complete the project in the best possible way.
