There are so many many things that I want to be wrong about - but despite wishful thinking that boarders on flight of fancy the inevitable conclusion came crashing home.
Fuck you - anger boils inside me not for the first time. This white hot furnace inside of me was once all consuming an infinite positive feedback loop; is now merely a constant flame that too will burn itself out eventually.
I hate you, honestly and truthfully. It's a fine line separating love and hate and as cliche as it might sound I find myself crossing the threshold from one to the other side and I can truthfully claim that after having truly loved someone for the first time I have also grown to truly hate someone.
I loved you once, in my own way. Maybe not in the same way as TC or AC; despite all else I don't believe or felt that they actually betrayed me in any way. Oh, but sweetie, you betrayed me in a way that only a love one can. What I wanted was so easy, so simple because I forget easily and I forgive easily - because I loved you.
But whatever love that I had for you once only fuels this anger and this new found hatred. It takes a lot of energy to hate someone, something that I once wish that KC would do for me - hate me. Because if she hated me at least then I knew that I meant something to her.
I won't thank you for anything - whatever I might have owed you has long since been repaid in full with interest and more.
Sayanora~
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