It's that time of the year again where we all look back at the year and reflect on things that we all have and haven't done.
This year was a very interesting year, it started of pretty badly with one of the worst New Years bashes that I can safely remember. For my Chinese friends out there you will understand what I mean when I say it didn't bode well for 2010. For one thing 2009 was possibly the worst year of my short existence and I really needed a new beginning. How bad was 2009 for me? Well suffice to say that I wouldn't liked to have met me towards the end of 2009 because I was just one big arsehole.
2010, this number still seem so new to me, like I never had the opportunity to really let the year sink into my consciousness and in some way I guess it's an indication of just how high-strung and fast pace this year has been for me.
But at the same time 2010 was probably one of the best days of my life thus far.
It has been true roller coaster ride of emotions - great moments of sorrow, excitement, happiness, content, disappointment, depression, heart break and grief. I got my first real job - it has been fun, challenging and all round stress. My mother passed away - a great maelstrom of grief, relief and confusion - goodbye mother.
I made a lot of new friends - something that I haven't done and haven't really needed to do in a long time. Looking back now I'm very surprised by the type of company that I've chosen to keep.
For the first time I presented my heart and soul to someone on a silver platter - but she didn't even realised that I did, or truly appreciated how momentous it was for me. Then again to be fair, neither did I until the end - here I learnt the meaning of inconsolable.
2010 has been my finest hour, it has forever redefined me in ways that I will continue to discover. I'm not naive enough to think that the experiences of the last year made me stronger or better - that would just be a rationalisation. It has merely changed me, I "weathered" the storm and come out a different person.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you here that has been part of 2010. Some of you I will forever be grateful for. Others I would like to thank you for your best of intentions, but just to say that you have no idea how close you were to being beaten to a bloody pulp. Still, I guess intentions count towards something and so - I salute you all.
Lastly to that certain someone, I can never hate you or really hold a grudge but damn you for what you did to me, for without trying or knowing you have changed me into someone that I once hated. There is one thing that I can thank you for without any sarcasm and or ill intent - because to me it has now become a simple fact (even if it's only my continued delusions):
I can do better.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Update on Life
It has been over 2 months since my last post. It's unbelievable that is has been such a long time when I wrote the previous tear soaked posts and once again I'm faced with the contridiction of it both feeling like forever and a short time.
The last 6 weeks has been relatively quiet for me...emotionally. The break through in my emotional turmoil came when I had a dream about her one night. It was a sweet dream. In it I was able to finally confront her and told her whole-heartedly that even if we can't be together I didn't want it to end in this fashion. In the dream she accepted my apology and agreed we would still be friends.
I woke that morning with a warm feeling in my chest. For about three seconds I couldn't remember why I was so happy, then it dawned on me. The utter despair that followed was indescribable. That night I wrote an email to her, telling her the same things I remember saying to her in my dreams in hopes of a similar result.
Unbelievably the next day I woke up feeling even worse. I torturned myself on my own weakness and breaking my own rules, again. Luckily that morning I was scheduled to see the shrink again and much to my surprise he commended me on finally being able to let go of my own stubborness and that he feels that what I did was absolutely correct. That small bit of support was all I needed.
It was from that point on that I felt my spirit lifted. I realised that he was right, what was torturing me for so long was the idea that I just screwed up one of the most important relationships that I have ever come across in my life because of my own ego and pride. That I was the one who told her that I didn't want to see her again...not the other way around.
From that day onwards I made several other attempts to contact her, but they were all fruitless as she neither answer my calls nor my messages. Sunday I finally wrote to her in an email that ended
"Goodbye, for the second and final time. I won't try to contact you again."
She seems to have made up her mind to never see me again and so I won't keep trying. I promptly deleted her contact details, removed her on facebook and I'm finally dealing with the idea that she is now a closed chapter on my life.
Am I feeling depressed because of it? Of course I am. For the last 8 weeks my mind has been able to control my emotions and been keeping it contained. Lately I have the luxury to let it out once in a while and let myself mourn this particular relationship. I realised that until now it has been self-loathing that I have been doing. After this I will truly move on. The intensity has already starting to fade.
The last 6 weeks has been relatively quiet for me...emotionally. The break through in my emotional turmoil came when I had a dream about her one night. It was a sweet dream. In it I was able to finally confront her and told her whole-heartedly that even if we can't be together I didn't want it to end in this fashion. In the dream she accepted my apology and agreed we would still be friends.
I woke that morning with a warm feeling in my chest. For about three seconds I couldn't remember why I was so happy, then it dawned on me. The utter despair that followed was indescribable. That night I wrote an email to her, telling her the same things I remember saying to her in my dreams in hopes of a similar result.
Unbelievably the next day I woke up feeling even worse. I torturned myself on my own weakness and breaking my own rules, again. Luckily that morning I was scheduled to see the shrink again and much to my surprise he commended me on finally being able to let go of my own stubborness and that he feels that what I did was absolutely correct. That small bit of support was all I needed.
It was from that point on that I felt my spirit lifted. I realised that he was right, what was torturing me for so long was the idea that I just screwed up one of the most important relationships that I have ever come across in my life because of my own ego and pride. That I was the one who told her that I didn't want to see her again...not the other way around.
From that day onwards I made several other attempts to contact her, but they were all fruitless as she neither answer my calls nor my messages. Sunday I finally wrote to her in an email that ended
"Goodbye, for the second and final time. I won't try to contact you again."
She seems to have made up her mind to never see me again and so I won't keep trying. I promptly deleted her contact details, removed her on facebook and I'm finally dealing with the idea that she is now a closed chapter on my life.
Am I feeling depressed because of it? Of course I am. For the last 8 weeks my mind has been able to control my emotions and been keeping it contained. Lately I have the luxury to let it out once in a while and let myself mourn this particular relationship. I realised that until now it has been self-loathing that I have been doing. After this I will truly move on. The intensity has already starting to fade.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Missing Her
The first time I read Murakami Haruki's "Norwegian Wood" I was completely blown away by the first chapter - that he could inspire such an incredible sense of nostalgia by painting a picture of such vivid beauty and then ended the chapter by breaking all our hearts with the sentence "Because Naoko never loved me."
Now almost two years after reading the book I have gained a whole new appreciation for that chapter. The parrallel between the characters in the story and my own drama is almost uncanny - and re-reading the book today feels like my heart is broken once again...for umpteenth time.
I really miss her, her smile, laugh words, company and presence is all I crave for every day. But much like Toru I realised now, maybe always have that she doesn't love me and never will. Yet I can't stop myself from loving her. My chat with JC gave me a new perspective, that maybe I just need to accept the fact that I will probably always love her and that regardless of what happens live with the fact that she will hold a very special place in my heart.
Now almost two years after reading the book I have gained a whole new appreciation for that chapter. The parrallel between the characters in the story and my own drama is almost uncanny - and re-reading the book today feels like my heart is broken once again...for umpteenth time.
I really miss her, her smile, laugh words, company and presence is all I crave for every day. But much like Toru I realised now, maybe always have that she doesn't love me and never will. Yet I can't stop myself from loving her. My chat with JC gave me a new perspective, that maybe I just need to accept the fact that I will probably always love her and that regardless of what happens live with the fact that she will hold a very special place in my heart.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Letting Go
I have never felt such extreme pain for such a long time. It’s hard to believe that someone could have such a devastating impact on my life and my psyche despite spending such a relatively short time with her.
I’ve tried to rationalise this pain and this stranger than expected emotion. I wonder to myself why do I feel so much pain this time round? Any different from the other times when I was dumped? Unlike the others, I don’t share many interests with her. We don’t think alike, nor do we share the same outlook to life. I suspect that when it comes down to it – our philosophy to life are miles apart.
Yet what makes her special is that for the first time I saw a future with this girl, a future that CAN incorporate both sides of my identity - my Chinese heritage and my Western upbringing. That suddenly the idea of marriage and rearing children no longer frightens me. More importantly, I imagined a future that was more than pleasant – anticipated even. Her continual presence was a source of warmth and comfort, I never felt such comfortable familiarity with anyone and when my heart opened up for the first time everything about her became perfection in my eyes.
Above all else I wanted to protect this small woman. She claims that she has issues and emotional baggage and much like others before her, it invoked the male chauvinist in me – I want her to need me. I want to be that person who will be there to protect her, regardless of the time of day. I believed and wanted, above all else that I would be the one to bring her happiness. That night after the attempted break-in at her place, and when she asked me to hold her and comfort her was possibly one of the happiest moments of my life. I felt whole - as if this was what I was meant to do. Content. At that moment in my bliss I was neither strong nor witty enough to tell her how I felt, a moment of such fragile happiness that I dared not disturb.
The last 2 weeks has redefined my world, I realised I never knew true pain till now. I understood what being helpless meant. I am the man who was denied the right to his salvation and for that I weeped-endlessly.
I’ve cried myself to sleep for most of the 1st week. I felt a momentary relieve the following Friday evening and then amazingly continued to weep endlessly. I kept guard by my cell phone and computer in the vain hope that she would contact me – I knew that I was the one who told her that I won’t speak with her again, but I never imagined it would be this painful. Every small thing and every place reminds me of her – each small reminder hinted at the promise and hope that I had.
I actually don’t feel betrayed – somehow I still believe that this is all my fault. I just hate myself because I couldn’t believe that I was so easily replaced - whispering the words "Why not me?"
I love her. Maybe I didn't before this and maybe I did but never realised it, and for the first time using those three words is not an exaggeration. In the end I want her to be happy – truly I do. I still dream, hope bordering on fantasy that I can still be part of that future but I’m starting to accept that it will never be.
Just as I'm accepting the fact that she will never hear me say those three words - and even worse she would never actually believe it.
I’ve tried to rationalise this pain and this stranger than expected emotion. I wonder to myself why do I feel so much pain this time round? Any different from the other times when I was dumped? Unlike the others, I don’t share many interests with her. We don’t think alike, nor do we share the same outlook to life. I suspect that when it comes down to it – our philosophy to life are miles apart.
Yet what makes her special is that for the first time I saw a future with this girl, a future that CAN incorporate both sides of my identity - my Chinese heritage and my Western upbringing. That suddenly the idea of marriage and rearing children no longer frightens me. More importantly, I imagined a future that was more than pleasant – anticipated even. Her continual presence was a source of warmth and comfort, I never felt such comfortable familiarity with anyone and when my heart opened up for the first time everything about her became perfection in my eyes.
Above all else I wanted to protect this small woman. She claims that she has issues and emotional baggage and much like others before her, it invoked the male chauvinist in me – I want her to need me. I want to be that person who will be there to protect her, regardless of the time of day. I believed and wanted, above all else that I would be the one to bring her happiness. That night after the attempted break-in at her place, and when she asked me to hold her and comfort her was possibly one of the happiest moments of my life. I felt whole - as if this was what I was meant to do. Content. At that moment in my bliss I was neither strong nor witty enough to tell her how I felt, a moment of such fragile happiness that I dared not disturb.
The last 2 weeks has redefined my world, I realised I never knew true pain till now. I understood what being helpless meant. I am the man who was denied the right to his salvation and for that I weeped-endlessly.
I’ve cried myself to sleep for most of the 1st week. I felt a momentary relieve the following Friday evening and then amazingly continued to weep endlessly. I kept guard by my cell phone and computer in the vain hope that she would contact me – I knew that I was the one who told her that I won’t speak with her again, but I never imagined it would be this painful. Every small thing and every place reminds me of her – each small reminder hinted at the promise and hope that I had.
I actually don’t feel betrayed – somehow I still believe that this is all my fault. I just hate myself because I couldn’t believe that I was so easily replaced - whispering the words "Why not me?"
I love her. Maybe I didn't before this and maybe I did but never realised it, and for the first time using those three words is not an exaggeration. In the end I want her to be happy – truly I do. I still dream, hope bordering on fantasy that I can still be part of that future but I’m starting to accept that it will never be.
Just as I'm accepting the fact that she will never hear me say those three words - and even worse she would never actually believe it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
AC
I met her for the first time in around August/September of 2009, I finally got around to phoning KW who is up and around Pretoria and he invited me over for Karaoke in Cyrildene with some of his friends and so after dinner with the Huang family I went to the "Red Peony" (紅牡丹).
There I met her for the first time - I later discovered she had recently broken up with Vin and is more than a little depressed. I really don't remember her well from that night, to be perfected honest (something that I denied later) I found her to be mediocre - someone such that I would've forgotten if it weren't for later events. I met her a few more times from that point on - meals, dim sum at the Regal Palace （新華園） YC's birthday party at MacDonald's and the Christmas party that was hosted at my place but organised by YC and co. She left a impression, but even now she has always been in the background for me.
When YC finally decided to quit her job and go back to Cape Town AC organised a surprise party in her honour. I was still working with LI then, and so when AC asked if people can come over to help with the preparations I volunteered since I had time on my hands to spare that Friday. I wasn't much help and actually more of a hinderance than anything else. Yet, it was during that night that I felt so much comfort around this short but infinitely warm "girl" who was 4 years my senior to the day. From that day onwards I felt an affinity to this woman, from affinity I felt comfort, trust and ultimately affection and love.
We started to spend alot of time together after YC's farewell - partially because I had little one else, partially because it was so natural to be around her. Around he I was myself more often than not, and she didn't seem to find my company unpleasant despite my somewhat arrogant and tactless remarks - no small feat.
Yet ultimately, it was my new housemates that unwittedly sent me down this path. JVZ remarked that she is gorgeous - elegant and beautiful - I found that concept to be strange at first, but before I knew I began to understand what she meant. AC is an incredibly beautiful woman - just too bad that there is such an age gap between us. Later that month, JL the other housemate met AC for the first time and I felt (more than) a stab of jealousy while observing JL trying to be charming and witty like he does with all the girls. I knew I no longer see AC only as a friend. By this time, we've been spending a lot of time together both online and offline, one some days I spent every waking hour with her in person and via Gtalk on both our phones. I jumped at every opportunity to be with her and claim that I didn't have ANY other friends or associates, partially true, but mostly exaggeration. She has become the sun that I revolved around.
From there I tried to broadcast my intentions to test the waters in hopes that once she realises my intentions she might give me a hint on whether to carry on...or give up. But it seems the heavens has a harsh sense of humour. For about a month, I tried everything to convey my feelings through hints in my speech and actions. When that didn't work I tried doing things that was a little more to the point. Cooking at her place and showing up at her place when she is sick with cold meds and soup. I thought she MUST understand my intentions after this. When that failed, I sent her roses to her work believing that I will finally get an answer from her...but apparently even then she claimed ignorance. So my last resort was to ask directly, and waited for a good opportunity.
During all this I started to ask myself searching questions. She is 31 this year, being Chinese means that she will be facing a lot of pressure to be married and she wanted children. Do I want to waste her time if I don't want these things? I never wanted these things before in my life. Till that point the idea of marriage and children sounded like a stupid idea. It finally occurred to me that there is a future with this woman and not only that... I wanted to be part of this future. She will be the first girl I fallen for and dated that I can share everything about me. Both my full Chinese heritage and South African upbringing, in the past I thought I will have to eventually choose between the two. But the true insight was simple. I wanted a future with this girl, and a new world of possibilities opened up like the petals of a rose. Unfortunately like a flower in full bloom, it was doomed to wither and die.
My mom passed away on the 24th June 2010. The next day for various reasons I no longer cared I said "Go out with me" in a soft voice while trying to both avoid her eyes and look her in the eyes at the same time. "Why?" was her reply. She told me exactly what I expected to hear, I'm a great guy but not someone for her. That I'm too young. That she is still messed up from the previous relationship. That night I left her place feeling pretty miserable. But as soon as I got home, she messaged me on Gtalk and for the first time I felt like she was flirting with me. I wondered if this woman online was the same woman who just broke my heart. 2 hours into that chat later I realised that she wasn't certain about herself at all, that I still have more than just a chance with her...if I just play my cards right.
From that day on, we kept seeing each other very often. I didn't mentioned asking her out in person again. But every time I get home after seeing her, we would chat online for a few hours at a time and once again I felt like I'm getting through to her. More often than not, we would have a wonderful evening together and later she would tell me online how it was a bad idea. Or vice versa.
In her bid to convince me how messed up she is, she told me online in great length about her previous relationships, when she told me that she is now feeling depressed because I just helped her dig up all her past pain my heart shattered. I asked her, begged her of a way I can make her feel better. Her last reply was that no I couldn't, because I was the one who now reminded her of all the bad things. I couldn't sleep that night, the knowledge that I caused her so much pain haunted me and I knew: she could destroy me whenever she wanted, she had the power.
I sent her flowers again, thinking it was a good idea to try to ask her out again. In the message I asked for a dinner date. She questioned me and she realises me intention. She then tried to end it, saying that it was no longer healthy to keep me going like this. That day, I almost gave up as I felt my heart falling down the endless abyss and the only reply I could come up with was. "Why now? You could've ended this at any time in the last few weeks." Her hesitation was all it took for me to pick myself up and she suggested that we have one trial date. To see how it goes. That night, I thought I finally cracked the lock to her heart.
The night before the "first official" date we went to watch a terrible movie with a mutual friend. She came over to my place later that night, and we kissed for the first time. She was still hesitant but was progressively more respondent to my advances. I thought that I've finally found a niche in her heart. The date now seemed irrelevant. The first date went smoothly, she seemed shy, unsure and I spent most of the evening just adoring her. I was so happy that I wanted to tell the whole world. I wanted to scream to everyone that could hear that I'm in love. Completely heads over heels with this wonderful woman. But my tongue was stilled, this was a fragile start and previous experience has taught me not to suffocate a budding relationship. I kept my joy bottled up - with each additional day, hour and minute spent with her the pressure built and I was ready to explode.
There I met her for the first time - I later discovered she had recently broken up with Vin and is more than a little depressed. I really don't remember her well from that night, to be perfected honest (something that I denied later) I found her to be mediocre - someone such that I would've forgotten if it weren't for later events. I met her a few more times from that point on - meals, dim sum at the Regal Palace （新華園） YC's birthday party at MacDonald's and the Christmas party that was hosted at my place but organised by YC and co. She left a impression, but even now she has always been in the background for me.
When YC finally decided to quit her job and go back to Cape Town AC organised a surprise party in her honour. I was still working with LI then, and so when AC asked if people can come over to help with the preparations I volunteered since I had time on my hands to spare that Friday. I wasn't much help and actually more of a hinderance than anything else. Yet, it was during that night that I felt so much comfort around this short but infinitely warm "girl" who was 4 years my senior to the day. From that day onwards I felt an affinity to this woman, from affinity I felt comfort, trust and ultimately affection and love.
We started to spend alot of time together after YC's farewell - partially because I had little one else, partially because it was so natural to be around her. Around he I was myself more often than not, and she didn't seem to find my company unpleasant despite my somewhat arrogant and tactless remarks - no small feat.
Yet ultimately, it was my new housemates that unwittedly sent me down this path. JVZ remarked that she is gorgeous - elegant and beautiful - I found that concept to be strange at first, but before I knew I began to understand what she meant. AC is an incredibly beautiful woman - just too bad that there is such an age gap between us. Later that month, JL the other housemate met AC for the first time and I felt (more than) a stab of jealousy while observing JL trying to be charming and witty like he does with all the girls. I knew I no longer see AC only as a friend. By this time, we've been spending a lot of time together both online and offline, one some days I spent every waking hour with her in person and via Gtalk on both our phones. I jumped at every opportunity to be with her and claim that I didn't have ANY other friends or associates, partially true, but mostly exaggeration. She has become the sun that I revolved around.
From there I tried to broadcast my intentions to test the waters in hopes that once she realises my intentions she might give me a hint on whether to carry on...or give up. But it seems the heavens has a harsh sense of humour. For about a month, I tried everything to convey my feelings through hints in my speech and actions. When that didn't work I tried doing things that was a little more to the point. Cooking at her place and showing up at her place when she is sick with cold meds and soup. I thought she MUST understand my intentions after this. When that failed, I sent her roses to her work believing that I will finally get an answer from her...but apparently even then she claimed ignorance. So my last resort was to ask directly, and waited for a good opportunity.
During all this I started to ask myself searching questions. She is 31 this year, being Chinese means that she will be facing a lot of pressure to be married and she wanted children. Do I want to waste her time if I don't want these things? I never wanted these things before in my life. Till that point the idea of marriage and children sounded like a stupid idea. It finally occurred to me that there is a future with this woman and not only that... I wanted to be part of this future. She will be the first girl I fallen for and dated that I can share everything about me. Both my full Chinese heritage and South African upbringing, in the past I thought I will have to eventually choose between the two. But the true insight was simple. I wanted a future with this girl, and a new world of possibilities opened up like the petals of a rose. Unfortunately like a flower in full bloom, it was doomed to wither and die.
My mom passed away on the 24th June 2010. The next day for various reasons I no longer cared I said "Go out with me" in a soft voice while trying to both avoid her eyes and look her in the eyes at the same time. "Why?" was her reply. She told me exactly what I expected to hear, I'm a great guy but not someone for her. That I'm too young. That she is still messed up from the previous relationship. That night I left her place feeling pretty miserable. But as soon as I got home, she messaged me on Gtalk and for the first time I felt like she was flirting with me. I wondered if this woman online was the same woman who just broke my heart. 2 hours into that chat later I realised that she wasn't certain about herself at all, that I still have more than just a chance with her...if I just play my cards right.
From that day on, we kept seeing each other very often. I didn't mentioned asking her out in person again. But every time I get home after seeing her, we would chat online for a few hours at a time and once again I felt like I'm getting through to her. More often than not, we would have a wonderful evening together and later she would tell me online how it was a bad idea. Or vice versa.
In her bid to convince me how messed up she is, she told me online in great length about her previous relationships, when she told me that she is now feeling depressed because I just helped her dig up all her past pain my heart shattered. I asked her, begged her of a way I can make her feel better. Her last reply was that no I couldn't, because I was the one who now reminded her of all the bad things. I couldn't sleep that night, the knowledge that I caused her so much pain haunted me and I knew: she could destroy me whenever she wanted, she had the power.
I sent her flowers again, thinking it was a good idea to try to ask her out again. In the message I asked for a dinner date. She questioned me and she realises me intention. She then tried to end it, saying that it was no longer healthy to keep me going like this. That day, I almost gave up as I felt my heart falling down the endless abyss and the only reply I could come up with was. "Why now? You could've ended this at any time in the last few weeks." Her hesitation was all it took for me to pick myself up and she suggested that we have one trial date. To see how it goes. That night, I thought I finally cracked the lock to her heart.
The night before the "first official" date we went to watch a terrible movie with a mutual friend. She came over to my place later that night, and we kissed for the first time. She was still hesitant but was progressively more respondent to my advances. I thought that I've finally found a niche in her heart. The date now seemed irrelevant. The first date went smoothly, she seemed shy, unsure and I spent most of the evening just adoring her. I was so happy that I wanted to tell the whole world. I wanted to scream to everyone that could hear that I'm in love. Completely heads over heels with this wonderful woman. But my tongue was stilled, this was a fragile start and previous experience has taught me not to suffocate a budding relationship. I kept my joy bottled up - with each additional day, hour and minute spent with her the pressure built and I was ready to explode.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Mama
It’s never easy to lose a love one, and if we ask Freud losing one’s mother is particularly traumatising event. I always wondered how in the world would I react to the news that my mom has finally passed away, would I cry my eyes out? Would I grief? Or in the other extreme will I breath a sign of relieve? At her finally escaping her pain and for me to run away from the very obvious way that she is suffering? The answer as it is often with life is a bit of all the above.
I cried when I heard the news, it was short but rather animated. I grieved by being angry with the entire world. I breathed the sign of relieve and decided that in my future I no longer have to worry about a woman who couldn’t even defend herself.
Maybe not to the same intensity as when grandfather passed away – the thought of his passing still brings tears to my eyes. But whenever I get reminded of her like now, I can’t help but feel tears welling in my eyes. I owe that woman so much of my life – much more than I can ever hope to repay, I kept telling myself that I will be able to make it to her. During my last visit to HK a month before her passing I realised that there is one thing that she wanted above all others – me getting married and giving her grandchildren. Even then, when I knew that it was going to be our last meeting I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. Not for the first time in my life I wished that I was a better liar – at least this time round my reasons will be pure. Why couldn’t I get off my high horse and just lie to the woman that has given me life?
I’m scared of returning to Cape Town, all her belongings are still there. Everything in that house will remind me of her. The kitchen is one place where memories of her are the most lucid and for a while it scared me.
Please forgive me.
I’m happy to feel such grief for your passing, I’m glad that I can find it within me to mourn you. Both were doubtful at one stage in my life. You are not the greatest of mothers, you were timid and defenceless. You’re everything that I hate in a woman. But I can’t deny the fact that you’re amongst one of the most gentle and kind woman that I’ve ever knew.
I cried when I heard the news, it was short but rather animated. I grieved by being angry with the entire world. I breathed the sign of relieve and decided that in my future I no longer have to worry about a woman who couldn’t even defend herself.
Maybe not to the same intensity as when grandfather passed away – the thought of his passing still brings tears to my eyes. But whenever I get reminded of her like now, I can’t help but feel tears welling in my eyes. I owe that woman so much of my life – much more than I can ever hope to repay, I kept telling myself that I will be able to make it to her. During my last visit to HK a month before her passing I realised that there is one thing that she wanted above all others – me getting married and giving her grandchildren. Even then, when I knew that it was going to be our last meeting I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. Not for the first time in my life I wished that I was a better liar – at least this time round my reasons will be pure. Why couldn’t I get off my high horse and just lie to the woman that has given me life?
I’m scared of returning to Cape Town, all her belongings are still there. Everything in that house will remind me of her. The kitchen is one place where memories of her are the most lucid and for a while it scared me.
Please forgive me.
I’m happy to feel such grief for your passing, I’m glad that I can find it within me to mourn you. Both were doubtful at one stage in my life. You are not the greatest of mothers, you were timid and defenceless. You’re everything that I hate in a woman. But I can’t deny the fact that you’re amongst one of the most gentle and kind woman that I’ve ever knew.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Made by China in Africa
Three months ago after having a lovely meal with a fellow banana (Chinese/Yellow on the outside and white on the inside) friend Miss J and our black friend Mr. K while driving to our next location we were stopped by a police check point and were immediately asked to show our passports. I was at first perplexed by the request since Mr. K was the one driving. When Miss J and I presented our SOUTH AFRICAN drivers licenses he once again asked for our passports – now raising his voice and speaking slower. With raised eyebrows we told him that we don't have our passports because we are all South African citizens. He looked at us intently and repeated the words “You are South African?” and I replied (now irritated) “Yes! Can't you tell from our accents?” Before we could really object he took the backpack from Miss J's hands and went through it and naturally didn't find anything objectionable.
"He looked so BLEAK!" quoting Miss J when he couldn't find anything wrong with us. Getting in the car Mr. K told us that the police officer asked him in Zulu if he was running some kind of illegal taxi service, though he wasn't sure because his Zulu has always been limited – but apparently the officer didn't want to hear any of that and kept speaking to him in Zulu.
Driving away the three of us laughed the whole way, Miss J described him as such a big jerk that it was actually funny, he showed such unadulterated disappointed when he could find nothing wrong with us - depressed even. I understand that we were within 2km of about 3 different Chinese supermarkets and I have been told by my boss that there always tons of police check points around and they always pull over trucks with Chinese drivers and try to extort bribes from them (naturally he failed to mentioned the often counterfeit and smuggled goods). My hypothesis was that he saw two Chinese in the car and thought "cash-cow" on seeing Katlego he immediately thought "Aw! Illegal taxi-service." I also found out later that it was illegal for him to go through Miss J's bags like that. But the punch line of the whole rather comical-like incident was that the three of us were going to the apartheid museum. Nothing like a life re-enactment of apartheid-like thinking to put you into perspective. I have written this off as racial profiling, because unfortunately the Chinese community at large has a (well deserved) reputation for bribing people at the first sign of trouble.
But now, three months later and after having been pulled over no less than seven times after that incident I no longer found this incident amusing. In all but three of these occasions were the police officer seemingly honest. I have pulled over twice on Rivonia road on the weekend, on one occasion had the breath test and the officer without showing me the results kept saying how this was wrong. After practically grabbing the tester from his hands it showed 0.01mg – even without knowing what the limit was I knew that it means the alcohol was barely detectable (afterwards I found out it was 0.24mg). The other time occasion while with another friend (incidentally Jewish and wearing a yarmulke), the officer declared that my drivers was invalid and I started to laugh, incredulously asking in what POSSIBLE way can it be invalid – he immediately recanted. I've been pulled over by officers claiming that I was speeding, when I asked if he was sure he said he got me on camera, but since he was such a nice guy he would let me go for only R300. When I pressed him for a ticket he told me to go. I was pulled over once for a legitimate reason to which I was perfectly prepared to pay the fine – the officer told me that I can make it go away by buying him a “drink.” when I explained I don't have my drivers with me because I left my wallet at home he made me open my boot and cubby hold till his is satisfied that I don't have ANY money and he just let me go. Guess he didn't want to bother with the paperwork.
Now, I could just be the most unlucky person when it comes to being pulled over. But I've travelled fairly extensively and I know what I see here in South Africa – corruption on a new level. I'm not naïve enough to think that bribes weren't happening in the SAPS and Metropolice in the past. But these new events disturb me greatly, it was one thing to have officers asking for a bribe when they found minor offences (not having a license, jumping a robot, speeding etc.) but to actually employ scare tactics and make up irregularities is on another level altogether. The only other place that I have had such experiences in the past was in the DRC! The DRC particularly the copper rich Katanga area was invaded by a sudden rush of Chinese prospectors a few years back that was comparable with the gold/diamond rush. The Chinese there established such a horrored reputation for bribing that I couldn't get through immigration at the airport without spending US$15 in total bribes to four different groups (health officials, customs, security, immigrations) to make sure that they hold me there forever – even though I have all the legitimate documents.
Now my conclusion to all of this is based completely on anecdotal evidence, because while in DRC I spoke with many of the local white population and they tell me that they almost never have to pay bribes/grease to get through customs and immigrations. Here in South Africa speaking with the more recently immigrated Chinese members I found that like myself they tend to be targeted more often by the police – they are also very quick to hand over big bribes depending on the situation. Their command of the English language is limited and therefore it's easy to intimidate them.
In short, the Chinese community in South Africa, in particular those in Johannesburg has started to bring this culture here and put itself into a predicament. To be fair we as a group must play in the mess we created. I implore all SABC (South African Born Chinese) and banana's like myself to make a stand and stop this stupid trend, I only include this crowd because I don't think the newcomers will really read M&G or any English paper for that matter. I also would like to make an appeal to all South Africans of reason and integrity (and in some cases with a bit of money) to please not be tempted – this can't and won't end well. Day after day we complain about crime and corruption, the ball is in your court. Make a difference.
"He looked so BLEAK!" quoting Miss J when he couldn't find anything wrong with us. Getting in the car Mr. K told us that the police officer asked him in Zulu if he was running some kind of illegal taxi service, though he wasn't sure because his Zulu has always been limited – but apparently the officer didn't want to hear any of that and kept speaking to him in Zulu.
Driving away the three of us laughed the whole way, Miss J described him as such a big jerk that it was actually funny, he showed such unadulterated disappointed when he could find nothing wrong with us - depressed even. I understand that we were within 2km of about 3 different Chinese supermarkets and I have been told by my boss that there always tons of police check points around and they always pull over trucks with Chinese drivers and try to extort bribes from them (naturally he failed to mentioned the often counterfeit and smuggled goods). My hypothesis was that he saw two Chinese in the car and thought "cash-cow" on seeing Katlego he immediately thought "Aw! Illegal taxi-service." I also found out later that it was illegal for him to go through Miss J's bags like that. But the punch line of the whole rather comical-like incident was that the three of us were going to the apartheid museum. Nothing like a life re-enactment of apartheid-like thinking to put you into perspective. I have written this off as racial profiling, because unfortunately the Chinese community at large has a (well deserved) reputation for bribing people at the first sign of trouble.
But now, three months later and after having been pulled over no less than seven times after that incident I no longer found this incident amusing. In all but three of these occasions were the police officer seemingly honest. I have pulled over twice on Rivonia road on the weekend, on one occasion had the breath test and the officer without showing me the results kept saying how this was wrong. After practically grabbing the tester from his hands it showed 0.01mg – even without knowing what the limit was I knew that it means the alcohol was barely detectable (afterwards I found out it was 0.24mg). The other time occasion while with another friend (incidentally Jewish and wearing a yarmulke), the officer declared that my drivers was invalid and I started to laugh, incredulously asking in what POSSIBLE way can it be invalid – he immediately recanted. I've been pulled over by officers claiming that I was speeding, when I asked if he was sure he said he got me on camera, but since he was such a nice guy he would let me go for only R300. When I pressed him for a ticket he told me to go. I was pulled over once for a legitimate reason to which I was perfectly prepared to pay the fine – the officer told me that I can make it go away by buying him a “drink.” when I explained I don't have my drivers with me because I left my wallet at home he made me open my boot and cubby hold till his is satisfied that I don't have ANY money and he just let me go. Guess he didn't want to bother with the paperwork.
Now, I could just be the most unlucky person when it comes to being pulled over. But I've travelled fairly extensively and I know what I see here in South Africa – corruption on a new level. I'm not naïve enough to think that bribes weren't happening in the SAPS and Metropolice in the past. But these new events disturb me greatly, it was one thing to have officers asking for a bribe when they found minor offences (not having a license, jumping a robot, speeding etc.) but to actually employ scare tactics and make up irregularities is on another level altogether. The only other place that I have had such experiences in the past was in the DRC! The DRC particularly the copper rich Katanga area was invaded by a sudden rush of Chinese prospectors a few years back that was comparable with the gold/diamond rush. The Chinese there established such a horrored reputation for bribing that I couldn't get through immigration at the airport without spending US$15 in total bribes to four different groups (health officials, customs, security, immigrations) to make sure that they hold me there forever – even though I have all the legitimate documents.
Now my conclusion to all of this is based completely on anecdotal evidence, because while in DRC I spoke with many of the local white population and they tell me that they almost never have to pay bribes/grease to get through customs and immigrations. Here in South Africa speaking with the more recently immigrated Chinese members I found that like myself they tend to be targeted more often by the police – they are also very quick to hand over big bribes depending on the situation. Their command of the English language is limited and therefore it's easy to intimidate them.
In short, the Chinese community in South Africa, in particular those in Johannesburg has started to bring this culture here and put itself into a predicament. To be fair we as a group must play in the mess we created. I implore all SABC (South African Born Chinese) and banana's like myself to make a stand and stop this stupid trend, I only include this crowd because I don't think the newcomers will really read M&G or any English paper for that matter. I also would like to make an appeal to all South Africans of reason and integrity (and in some cases with a bit of money) to please not be tempted – this can't and won't end well. Day after day we complain about crime and corruption, the ball is in your court. Make a difference.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
UCT Alumni Leadership Forum - Ciko Thomas
Last night I went to my first UCT (University of Cape Town) Alumni event called the Alumni Leader Forum, the guest speaker naturally was an Alumni: Ciko Thomas and the topic was "BEE and it's (Entrepreneurship) Discontents"
I went with AC who was also the person that told me about it since apparently until then I wasn't important enough to be told about these types of events. The talk took place at the Hyatt Regency, Rosebank in the Ilanga Room starting at 18:00 and was pretty awesome. AC and I got there really early because we thought that we were going to be in traffic for a while but was pleasantly surprised at the smooth sailing that took us there in less than half the expected time.
We were greeted with offers of drinks and snacks and were introduced to Rene and Jasmine who flew up to Johannesburg for this event. We had a short chat with them concerning the event and other about the forum overall. People started to gather and so we were ushered into the room for the presentation by Mr Thomas interesting surname for a evidently black guy. (For those those who aren't familiar with South African, we define every citizen as Africans and therefore calling someone black is completely PC. Also if he hand any mixed Ancestry we would refer to him as coloured rather than black, hence why the thought.)
The presentation was more than a little disappointing, he raised one or two very good points but overall the failed to surprise me with either facts or opinions. He might be energetic in his presentation but most of that energy seem to be wasted on trying to nail home points that's generally accepted to the group present. For example, he states that current BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) programs have failed in more cases than it succeeded, that maybe we need to shift the paradigm from the idea of redistributing "White" assets to the idea of creating new assets and sharing them in the economic growth through entrepreneurial activities and in order to do so we need to install a new sense of entrepreneurial spirit into the country but failed to present any tangible ways to do so - he left that as a challenge to the listeners to provide it. His central point was that we need to find other ways to nurture entrepreneurial spirit since despite the current governments efforts it has failed. He calls on better education of our students - but fails to mention that we already dedicate a higher percentage of our public spending on education than almost all developed countries. He made a good case, but I was disappointed because he didn't even try to provide a solution for any of these issues, rather to try and motivate us to stand up and make a difference.
At the end of the day he was preaching to the choir and unfortunately lacked that certain spark to inspire me into a true believer - he was just too mild and lukewarm in too much of his presentation. One can't help but wonder if he was trying very hard not to criticize the current BEE implementation too severely since he himself has directly benefited from it. Also by then he has sold his business and is currently working for Nedbank (one of the big 4 banks in SA) doesn't do his gospel of entrepreneurial spirit a lot of good - though one wouldn't go as far as to call him a hypocrite.
At the end of the day, a thoroughly good evening out. Great food at the end and despite what seems to be non-stop criticisms above, I really liked the presentation and the event on a whole. Naturally, good company helped as well.
I went with AC who was also the person that told me about it since apparently until then I wasn't important enough to be told about these types of events. The talk took place at the Hyatt Regency, Rosebank in the Ilanga Room starting at 18:00 and was pretty awesome. AC and I got there really early because we thought that we were going to be in traffic for a while but was pleasantly surprised at the smooth sailing that took us there in less than half the expected time.
We were greeted with offers of drinks and snacks and were introduced to Rene and Jasmine who flew up to Johannesburg for this event. We had a short chat with them concerning the event and other about the forum overall. People started to gather and so we were ushered into the room for the presentation by Mr Thomas interesting surname for a evidently black guy. (For those those who aren't familiar with South African, we define every citizen as Africans and therefore calling someone black is completely PC. Also if he hand any mixed Ancestry we would refer to him as coloured rather than black, hence why the thought.)
The presentation was more than a little disappointing, he raised one or two very good points but overall the failed to surprise me with either facts or opinions. He might be energetic in his presentation but most of that energy seem to be wasted on trying to nail home points that's generally accepted to the group present. For example, he states that current BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) programs have failed in more cases than it succeeded, that maybe we need to shift the paradigm from the idea of redistributing "White" assets to the idea of creating new assets and sharing them in the economic growth through entrepreneurial activities and in order to do so we need to install a new sense of entrepreneurial spirit into the country but failed to present any tangible ways to do so - he left that as a challenge to the listeners to provide it. His central point was that we need to find other ways to nurture entrepreneurial spirit since despite the current governments efforts it has failed. He calls on better education of our students - but fails to mention that we already dedicate a higher percentage of our public spending on education than almost all developed countries. He made a good case, but I was disappointed because he didn't even try to provide a solution for any of these issues, rather to try and motivate us to stand up and make a difference.
At the end of the day he was preaching to the choir and unfortunately lacked that certain spark to inspire me into a true believer - he was just too mild and lukewarm in too much of his presentation. One can't help but wonder if he was trying very hard not to criticize the current BEE implementation too severely since he himself has directly benefited from it. Also by then he has sold his business and is currently working for Nedbank (one of the big 4 banks in SA) doesn't do his gospel of entrepreneurial spirit a lot of good - though one wouldn't go as far as to call him a hypocrite.
At the end of the day, a thoroughly good evening out. Great food at the end and despite what seems to be non-stop criticisms above, I really liked the presentation and the event on a whole. Naturally, good company helped as well.
Exercise and Keeping Fit
For almost 5 months now, I have been conscientiously sweating away at the gym to improve both my looks and the disaster that has been my fitness for the better part of the last five years.
I was almost fit for a while after the South American trip, the altitude and plenty of walking meant that I can back leaner, with a incredibly high oxygen absorption rate. But that was all a very temporary arrangement as my weight bounced back quickly and even with some initial attempts to maintain the fitness I was lost it after 4 months.
But this time round I feel that I really can it will be different - I have averaged around 5 days at the gym in most weeks and even when I went back to Cape Town and Hong Kongfor a short holidays I have managed to go jogging occasionally to make sure that my fitness doesn't slip away while I was on holiday.
My fitness is still far from being called good - but my numbers (according to the heart rate monitor and the treadmilss) has been steadily improving. I recently (last 3 weeks) seem to have reached a plateau and realised that I have reached the limited effects of only running at constant speed. Now I have returned to lifting some weights and doing short but strenuous runs at either high speeds or high inclines.
However this rather stable arrangement has a few challenges coming up on the horizon. Firstly I will be moving from my current location to another place that will not be as convenient as the place I'm staying right now and since I started working properly full time again it will be harder for me to find the quality time to exercise.
With luck this will be a challenge to rise to and with perseverance (and compulsive obsession) I will continue.
I was almost fit for a while after the South American trip, the altitude and plenty of walking meant that I can back leaner, with a incredibly high oxygen absorption rate. But that was all a very temporary arrangement as my weight bounced back quickly and even with some initial attempts to maintain the fitness I was lost it after 4 months.
But this time round I feel that I really can it will be different - I have averaged around 5 days at the gym in most weeks and even when I went back to Cape Town and Hong Kongfor a short holidays I have managed to go jogging occasionally to make sure that my fitness doesn't slip away while I was on holiday.
My fitness is still far from being called good - but my numbers (according to the heart rate monitor and the treadmilss) has been steadily improving. I recently (last 3 weeks) seem to have reached a plateau and realised that I have reached the limited effects of only running at constant speed. Now I have returned to lifting some weights and doing short but strenuous runs at either high speeds or high inclines.
However this rather stable arrangement has a few challenges coming up on the horizon. Firstly I will be moving from my current location to another place that will not be as convenient as the place I'm staying right now and since I started working properly full time again it will be harder for me to find the quality time to exercise.
With luck this will be a challenge to rise to and with perseverance (and compulsive obsession) I will continue.
Tanzania - Afterthoughts
Tanzania was a wonderful country in many regards, it's politically stable and has fast growth economy that seems to have shrugged off the global financial crisis without much trouble. Crime rate is reasonably low and probably better than Cape Town. The cost of living there is fairly high, but I feel that it's not much higher than living in a South African urban area. It's pretty place and wonderful beaches, Chinese food there is really good and access to decent seafood once in a while is awesome!
As the reader might have guessed: BUT! Dar es Salaam is the nations de facto capital and economic center and even there you're as likely to get power at a given time than not. The temperature is really hot all year round with average humility at around 80% - something that I don't do well with. Rent there is crazy expensive for a semi-decent apartment and you have to settle your rent on an annual basis!
No, on balance of things (including many things for and against that I have not mentioned above) I would not choose to live in that particular country.
The place reminds of my hometown, with super shoddily erected buildings and use of inferior materials that would be illegal in many developed countries. Government officials seems to be as corrupt as the bunch in Punning, but then again since it's an African country it's probably one of the least corrupt nations around. As someone intending to invest in the country and someone trained in "Western" economic theories I'm constantly astounded by the lack of a benchmark to price anything here. Land is in huge demand due to the huge shortage in housing - yet there are plenty of empty land around and nothing is happening! Everyone has raised the price of property the the extent that buying a plot and developing it is still a HUGE risk even with the huge demand for apartments.
We can see the effects of colonialism everywhere in the city and people here seem to be hold Chinese people in a much higher esteem than other places I've been to. The people here seem genuinely keen to improve themselves, a sense of pride, self-reliance and self-improvement that is absent from the general population here in SA. I suspect (having not looked up the Geni coefficient for Tanzania) that inequality is incredibly high in this African nation - though not as high as SA.
No, this place is definitely heads and shoulder above the rest of its neighbours but one can't help but wonder how much longer will this growth continue without some fundamental shifts in policy.
As the reader might have guessed: BUT! Dar es Salaam is the nations de facto capital and economic center and even there you're as likely to get power at a given time than not. The temperature is really hot all year round with average humility at around 80% - something that I don't do well with. Rent there is crazy expensive for a semi-decent apartment and you have to settle your rent on an annual basis!
No, on balance of things (including many things for and against that I have not mentioned above) I would not choose to live in that particular country.
The place reminds of my hometown, with super shoddily erected buildings and use of inferior materials that would be illegal in many developed countries. Government officials seems to be as corrupt as the bunch in Punning, but then again since it's an African country it's probably one of the least corrupt nations around. As someone intending to invest in the country and someone trained in "Western" economic theories I'm constantly astounded by the lack of a benchmark to price anything here. Land is in huge demand due to the huge shortage in housing - yet there are plenty of empty land around and nothing is happening! Everyone has raised the price of property the the extent that buying a plot and developing it is still a HUGE risk even with the huge demand for apartments.
We can see the effects of colonialism everywhere in the city and people here seem to be hold Chinese people in a much higher esteem than other places I've been to. The people here seem genuinely keen to improve themselves, a sense of pride, self-reliance and self-improvement that is absent from the general population here in SA. I suspect (having not looked up the Geni coefficient for Tanzania) that inequality is incredibly high in this African nation - though not as high as SA.
No, this place is definitely heads and shoulder above the rest of its neighbours but one can't help but wonder how much longer will this growth continue without some fundamental shifts in policy.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Princess Tutu
There are very few anime that I would actually blog about - I found many of them enjoyable, now and then one makes me wanna go into bath and keep myself in the fetal position. Finally, surprisingly many made me wanna find the writer and ask for the time that I wasted on their trash of a story back.
The target market for this anime was aimed more at teenage girls and I only wanted to watch this particular anime because of an AMAZING music video made using its scenes and a song by Nanne Grönvall called Hold Me Now (Håll Om Mig). In essence the entire Princess Tutu plotline was explained in 3 minutes 15 seconds AMV (Anime Music Video). I was pretty impressed with myself for guessing about 90% of the plot line from it, but browsing online I found that I was by no means in the minority in that regard. This is without a doubt one of the most under-rated animes I've seen, I have not heard anything about it at all till the AMV by Roman and even then it took a while before I saw it available on bakabt.
The ending was what made this excellently executed anime into more than just your run-of-the-mill "good" anime. Despite the "fairy tale ending" that was achieved through blood, sweat and tears and the cheerful presentation of the "happily ever after" I felt a profound sadness. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I kept trying to scream - "This is a happy ending?"
I can't help wanting to classify it as a tragedy and in many ways it was. The last time I felt so conflicted by an ending was watching Tom Hanks in "Castaway" after he lost "Wilson" after the storm. A part of me wanted to laugh at the absurdity of crying over a lost volley ball but at the same time my heart felt his pain.
Finally even though I thought it was one of the strongest anime storylines in recent years the story could easily have done with half the number of episodes. It dragged on in the middle and they could have done away with at least 7 episode of the 26. I almost lost interest halfway around episode 13 when each episode ran by the same formula but I'm glad that I persevered till the end. The story promised many things right at the start and then came back right at the end to deliver on their promise.
The target market for this anime was aimed more at teenage girls and I only wanted to watch this particular anime because of an AMAZING music video made using its scenes and a song by Nanne Grönvall called Hold Me Now (Håll Om Mig). In essence the entire Princess Tutu plotline was explained in 3 minutes 15 seconds AMV (Anime Music Video). I was pretty impressed with myself for guessing about 90% of the plot line from it, but browsing online I found that I was by no means in the minority in that regard. This is without a doubt one of the most under-rated animes I've seen, I have not heard anything about it at all till the AMV by Roman and even then it took a while before I saw it available on bakabt.
The ending was what made this excellently executed anime into more than just your run-of-the-mill "good" anime. Despite the "fairy tale ending" that was achieved through blood, sweat and tears and the cheerful presentation of the "happily ever after" I felt a profound sadness. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I kept trying to scream - "This is a happy ending?"
I can't help wanting to classify it as a tragedy and in many ways it was. The last time I felt so conflicted by an ending was watching Tom Hanks in "Castaway" after he lost "Wilson" after the storm. A part of me wanted to laugh at the absurdity of crying over a lost volley ball but at the same time my heart felt his pain.
Finally even though I thought it was one of the strongest anime storylines in recent years the story could easily have done with half the number of episodes. It dragged on in the middle and they could have done away with at least 7 episode of the 26. I almost lost interest halfway around episode 13 when each episode ran by the same formula but I'm glad that I persevered till the end. The story promised many things right at the start and then came back right at the end to deliver on their promise.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
My Grandmother and Life After Death
I don't believe in life after death. Never did and almost guaranteed to never will.
However, the same can't be said of my family espeically my grandmother who is still with us in Luisha. Like I said in a previous post, I enjoyed her company and conversation. Due to her age the contents of our conversations never change, most of it revolves around how embarrassing both me and my father is to the family and how we should improve our appareance - in the last five or six visits I don't think there has been any new material that enters our conversations except for the odd rumours and scandal that temporarily catches her attention. However, one new topic that did crop up during my last visit that left a profound impression on me - offering to the death ancestors.
In Chinese mythology or religious psyche - it's believed that once someone dies they leave this world and enters a spirit world and society. One that is almost an exact mirror of our current world, and from what I can understand is that new comers arrive with nothing except the cloths on their back and a need to consume earthly food through smell. They will never starve to death - they are of course dead but however will feel hunger.
Therefore the well being of the dead is totallly dependent on the dedication of their children and family. Customs dictates that during New Moon and Full Moon and some feastive days the children will prepare feast and set out a table for the family members and offer a ritual to summon them. Often the living family will cook and prepare the favourite dishes of those passed away. Certain ceremonies and ancestoral worship also applies here and the family members normally ask for the protection and guidance of those who have passed on. At the end of these ceremonies, paper money, paper gold and scaled paper replicas of houses, cars, radios and anything else that might be needed to continue their life in the netherworld are burnt as well. On a more amusing note - the notional amount on these paper money goes into the tens and hundreds of billions in unit and had been the largest before the hyper-inflation of Zimbabwe.
I can see a emotion on her face that I have never seen before - worry. She is worried that her "life" and wellbeing in the other world would be compromised by our generation of children not following with tradition and was trying to appeal to me to follow it. Since I'm the only male grandchild that she can actually communicate with I guess I was the only one that she can make such an appeal (though it irks me that I'm by no means her favourite grandson, in fact 3rd and last favourite)
These things were never given much thought and I realised that as I reassured her of my dedication to the traditions that it's actually true. I reall do want to continue these traditions not because I believe in their supernatural expectations but rather how such traditions are what bind to my culture and differentiate me from other cultures.
Without realising when, I have become proud of my culture, guess it's a lot easier when the country is strong and other nationalities speak of your country of origin with both respect, fear and disgust; rather than just disgust. I'm proud and I want to continue to being recognised as Chinese and Confucious would be proud when I say these ceremonies are what defines me.
I pledged myself there and then that I will continue with these traditions and that I will learn about these ceremonies and as the Chinese expressions go: "the incense will continue to burn"
However, the same can't be said of my family espeically my grandmother who is still with us in Luisha. Like I said in a previous post, I enjoyed her company and conversation. Due to her age the contents of our conversations never change, most of it revolves around how embarrassing both me and my father is to the family and how we should improve our appareance - in the last five or six visits I don't think there has been any new material that enters our conversations except for the odd rumours and scandal that temporarily catches her attention. However, one new topic that did crop up during my last visit that left a profound impression on me - offering to the death ancestors.
In Chinese mythology or religious psyche - it's believed that once someone dies they leave this world and enters a spirit world and society. One that is almost an exact mirror of our current world, and from what I can understand is that new comers arrive with nothing except the cloths on their back and a need to consume earthly food through smell. They will never starve to death - they are of course dead but however will feel hunger.
Therefore the well being of the dead is totallly dependent on the dedication of their children and family. Customs dictates that during New Moon and Full Moon and some feastive days the children will prepare feast and set out a table for the family members and offer a ritual to summon them. Often the living family will cook and prepare the favourite dishes of those passed away. Certain ceremonies and ancestoral worship also applies here and the family members normally ask for the protection and guidance of those who have passed on. At the end of these ceremonies, paper money, paper gold and scaled paper replicas of houses, cars, radios and anything else that might be needed to continue their life in the netherworld are burnt as well. On a more amusing note - the notional amount on these paper money goes into the tens and hundreds of billions in unit and had been the largest before the hyper-inflation of Zimbabwe.
I can see a emotion on her face that I have never seen before - worry. She is worried that her "life" and wellbeing in the other world would be compromised by our generation of children not following with tradition and was trying to appeal to me to follow it. Since I'm the only male grandchild that she can actually communicate with I guess I was the only one that she can make such an appeal (though it irks me that I'm by no means her favourite grandson, in fact 3rd and last favourite)
These things were never given much thought and I realised that as I reassured her of my dedication to the traditions that it's actually true. I reall do want to continue these traditions not because I believe in their supernatural expectations but rather how such traditions are what bind to my culture and differentiate me from other cultures.
Without realising when, I have become proud of my culture, guess it's a lot easier when the country is strong and other nationalities speak of your country of origin with both respect, fear and disgust; rather than just disgust. I'm proud and I want to continue to being recognised as Chinese and Confucious would be proud when I say these ceremonies are what defines me.
I pledged myself there and then that I will continue with these traditions and that I will learn about these ceremonies and as the Chinese expressions go: "the incense will continue to burn"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tanzania - A First Impression
Left for Tanzania on Monday, the plane punctually left at 3pm and we also arrived very puntually - a good start my other trips to African countries don't always go so well.
The flight was pretty uncomfortable as we traveled in a small Beoing 737 128 seater and there was little if any leg room in normal seats, however we got the seast right at the back of the plane and so it was even smaller and the seats can't tilt back to give us a better posture. Otherwise it was a smooth flight. We sat next to a white woman who has lived in Dar for almost 14 years and my boss was keen to get some local intel on the city. We asked many questions from politics to ecnomics and the price of real estate.
As far as we can tell from what she has told us, Tanzania is very much like every other country in Africa (we exclude SA from this classification for various reasons), the government policies are temperamental, people will try to cheat us, government officials are corrupt and generally speaking the population has started to take a dislike to more Chinese presence. Fun. More importantly it seems being a "outsider" trying to buy real estate can be rather challenging due to red tape and other rather opaque issues, we can also expect more than frequent power failures.
We arrived at the airport in Dar Es Saleem, the biggest, most populated and centre of economic power in Tanzania, however as we flew over the city we can see that there are little light lighting the city and I was a little surprised by that. The city was what I had expected after seeing the night lights. The traffic and roads are choatic with little or no rules much like parts of China and most of South America. Traffic lights can only be found in the central districts and we took a long time getting to our hotel in the Embassy district.
We were picked up by one of my bosses associates from China Steel. Apparently while there is a large Chinese presence here in Dar, little of them are there as individuals most of them are with big Chinese construction companies such as himself.
We arrived at the Golden Tulip hotel - it's more than adaquete, everything here tells of past glories that once was. Everything is still rather impressive but signs can be seen everywhere that renovations and upkeep of the buildings are kept to a minimum. It was a rather impressive swimming pool and we're right on the beaches as well, our room costs $135/night and including breakfast it's not bad at all. The room is what I would expect, two beds, tv, shower/bath, fridge and something that not everyone would appreciate toilet papers. :P
Went for dinner at the Chinese restuarant next door, and impressed by the selection and quality of the food. On par with JHB and with the added benefit of having good seafood fish selection.
The next day (today) we met with the Director of the TIC (Tanzania Investment Centre) and we organised the schedule for the next few days, gathering data and stuff. I also phoned up a few estate agents to get a rough idea of what the market is like here. I'm actually waiting for the first one in another 45 minutes at our hotel room. This will be interesting.
The flight was pretty uncomfortable as we traveled in a small Beoing 737 128 seater and there was little if any leg room in normal seats, however we got the seast right at the back of the plane and so it was even smaller and the seats can't tilt back to give us a better posture. Otherwise it was a smooth flight. We sat next to a white woman who has lived in Dar for almost 14 years and my boss was keen to get some local intel on the city. We asked many questions from politics to ecnomics and the price of real estate.
As far as we can tell from what she has told us, Tanzania is very much like every other country in Africa (we exclude SA from this classification for various reasons), the government policies are temperamental, people will try to cheat us, government officials are corrupt and generally speaking the population has started to take a dislike to more Chinese presence. Fun. More importantly it seems being a "outsider" trying to buy real estate can be rather challenging due to red tape and other rather opaque issues, we can also expect more than frequent power failures.
We arrived at the airport in Dar Es Saleem, the biggest, most populated and centre of economic power in Tanzania, however as we flew over the city we can see that there are little light lighting the city and I was a little surprised by that. The city was what I had expected after seeing the night lights. The traffic and roads are choatic with little or no rules much like parts of China and most of South America. Traffic lights can only be found in the central districts and we took a long time getting to our hotel in the Embassy district.
We were picked up by one of my bosses associates from China Steel. Apparently while there is a large Chinese presence here in Dar, little of them are there as individuals most of them are with big Chinese construction companies such as himself.
We arrived at the Golden Tulip hotel - it's more than adaquete, everything here tells of past glories that once was. Everything is still rather impressive but signs can be seen everywhere that renovations and upkeep of the buildings are kept to a minimum. It was a rather impressive swimming pool and we're right on the beaches as well, our room costs $135/night and including breakfast it's not bad at all. The room is what I would expect, two beds, tv, shower/bath, fridge and something that not everyone would appreciate toilet papers. :P
Went for dinner at the Chinese restuarant next door, and impressed by the selection and quality of the food. On par with JHB and with the added benefit of having good seafood fish selection.
The next day (today) we met with the Director of the TIC (Tanzania Investment Centre) and we organised the schedule for the next few days, gathering data and stuff. I also phoned up a few estate agents to get a rough idea of what the market is like here. I'm actually waiting for the first one in another 45 minutes at our hotel room. This will be interesting.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
My Old Family Home in Luisha
I walked to the front gate of the house whose name is partially inspired by my grandfathers pen-name while at school (they have different names for different stages of their lives and people in this district of China name their houses) and found a new and polished stainless steel front gate instead of the old rusty metal gate that usually greeted me.
The house has just been completely renovated by my uncle who paid close to R260 000 in the renovation and new furnitures. Upon entering the gate I found a stone tiled quad instead of the old cracked concrete and a new independent entrance to the 2nd floor. Inside, the ground floor haven't changed much except a new coat of paint and new 42 inch LCD tv. The 2nd floor has been reopened again for the first time in a decade and now has a new modern feel to it. There are three bedrooms and a lounge area here, one of the them an en-suite. Each room has a new bed, cupboard, desk, its own aircon and spacious to the point of being empty. The lounge is also equiped with a the same tv as downstairs but also with an impressive surround sound system and new comfy couches.
The third floor is still locked and almost as long as I have been in SA and therefore my memories of the 3rd floor is rather vague as my dad built it as a production area for pearls. I stood on the ground floor in the quad and felt a stab of regret that the old promagranade tree has been cut down - I remember that tree and it's fruits fondly. Ah, so many memories under that tree. Four generations of my family has had their picture taken under that tree. So sad to see it gone. No matter how far I go, no matter how long I will be away for - this place will always be a "home" to me.
The house has just been completely renovated by my uncle who paid close to R260 000 in the renovation and new furnitures. Upon entering the gate I found a stone tiled quad instead of the old cracked concrete and a new independent entrance to the 2nd floor. Inside, the ground floor haven't changed much except a new coat of paint and new 42 inch LCD tv. The 2nd floor has been reopened again for the first time in a decade and now has a new modern feel to it. There are three bedrooms and a lounge area here, one of the them an en-suite. Each room has a new bed, cupboard, desk, its own aircon and spacious to the point of being empty. The lounge is also equiped with a the same tv as downstairs but also with an impressive surround sound system and new comfy couches.
The third floor is still locked and almost as long as I have been in SA and therefore my memories of the 3rd floor is rather vague as my dad built it as a production area for pearls. I stood on the ground floor in the quad and felt a stab of regret that the old promagranade tree has been cut down - I remember that tree and it's fruits fondly. Ah, so many memories under that tree. Four generations of my family has had their picture taken under that tree. So sad to see it gone. No matter how far I go, no matter how long I will be away for - this place will always be a "home" to me.
Watercube - Yet Another Top Notch Massage Parlour in Shenzhen
On New Years day, when all the relatives in Hong Kong visited my parents and me they recommended the Watercube （水立方） as the best venue for overnight stay and massage and so when I got to Shenzhen, I walked across the road from the Shenzhen - Hong Kong customs building in Lok Ma Chau （落馬洲） and walked into Watercube
Went through the whole checking in process, all my possessions was stored in a digital locker and the key was in a form of a wrist band with some kind of identification chip. Proceeded to the showers and bath areas. The decor is pretty well done, fancy but nothing about it really stands out compared to it's competitors in the area. Big spacious baths, heated pools, Sauna and Steam rooms, and people with towels who can give you a body scrub after you finished in the Steam or Sauna rooms. I had one of those scrubs before, it's rather interesting due to the heat and the moisture dead skin cells can be easily scrubbed off your body and in such quantities that it's rather scary, but don't feel like one of those this time round.
Once you're done with the baths you move onto another area where there are shorts and a robe for you to change into, you get a choice of normal ones where it's been washed and kept in an disinfectant closest (using heat and UV I was told) or a set of disposable robes that will cost you extra.
Proceeded to the communal area where guests of both sexes congregate. Here you can find big single sofa's that can transform into a flat bed and your own tv attached to it and comes with a remote. A restaurant that caters to almost every Chinese tastes ranging from the most mundane food to lobsters. Internet cafes, pool tables, Table Tennis tables and much more. The sofa can act like a bed, one of the reasons why these places are popular with HK tourists as a overnight spot is due to the comfort and price, these places cost a fraction of a normal hotel and it's comfy.
Naturally this is a massage parlour and so I looked through the choices of services that they offer. I prefer what they called "pushing oil" basically meaning that the massage uses oil as normal massage doesn't. I picked a slightly above average priced service because I see that I get a full 2hours 30min service. I didn't read all the description properly and thought that the entire time was a massage only to find that the first 45mins was some kind of full body scrub with a sand and lemon mixture. After the scrub I went to the showers to wash it off and was pleasantly surprised at how good my skin felt. Oh well...
After the massage I picked a couch that seems to be the most quiet tried to watch some tv but was quickly bored, lowered the backrest until it was basically a flat bed. Asked for a pillow and blankets and went to sleep. Got up an hour later feeling hungry and so ordered a preserved egg and lean meat congee, it was pretty good and went back to sleep
Checked out the next day and the whole thing costed around R300 (HK$280). Costly for the standards in Shenzhen but I thought it was worth the premium - the girl was actually pretty good at massages and hit most of the right places.
No I didn't get a happy ending. Not that kind of place :P
Went through the whole checking in process, all my possessions was stored in a digital locker and the key was in a form of a wrist band with some kind of identification chip. Proceeded to the showers and bath areas. The decor is pretty well done, fancy but nothing about it really stands out compared to it's competitors in the area. Big spacious baths, heated pools, Sauna and Steam rooms, and people with towels who can give you a body scrub after you finished in the Steam or Sauna rooms. I had one of those scrubs before, it's rather interesting due to the heat and the moisture dead skin cells can be easily scrubbed off your body and in such quantities that it's rather scary, but don't feel like one of those this time round.
Once you're done with the baths you move onto another area where there are shorts and a robe for you to change into, you get a choice of normal ones where it's been washed and kept in an disinfectant closest (using heat and UV I was told) or a set of disposable robes that will cost you extra.
Proceeded to the communal area where guests of both sexes congregate. Here you can find big single sofa's that can transform into a flat bed and your own tv attached to it and comes with a remote. A restaurant that caters to almost every Chinese tastes ranging from the most mundane food to lobsters. Internet cafes, pool tables, Table Tennis tables and much more. The sofa can act like a bed, one of the reasons why these places are popular with HK tourists as a overnight spot is due to the comfort and price, these places cost a fraction of a normal hotel and it's comfy.
Naturally this is a massage parlour and so I looked through the choices of services that they offer. I prefer what they called "pushing oil" basically meaning that the massage uses oil as normal massage doesn't. I picked a slightly above average priced service because I see that I get a full 2hours 30min service. I didn't read all the description properly and thought that the entire time was a massage only to find that the first 45mins was some kind of full body scrub with a sand and lemon mixture. After the scrub I went to the showers to wash it off and was pleasantly surprised at how good my skin felt. Oh well...
After the massage I picked a couch that seems to be the most quiet tried to watch some tv but was quickly bored, lowered the backrest until it was basically a flat bed. Asked for a pillow and blankets and went to sleep. Got up an hour later feeling hungry and so ordered a preserved egg and lean meat congee, it was pretty good and went back to sleep
Checked out the next day and the whole thing costed around R300 (HK$280). Costly for the standards in Shenzhen but I thought it was worth the premium - the girl was actually pretty good at massages and hit most of the right places.
No I didn't get a happy ending. Not that kind of place :P
New Years in the Middle Kingdom - Home Town
I arrived in Luisha, Puning in just over four hours - a record time since normally it's about 5 to 6 depending on the traffic and weather. But thanks to New Year, everything is still quiet.
Upon disembarking the bus I immediately flagged down a "bicycle" used as a poor man's taxi. It's effectively a bicycle that has been modified to attach a small coach at the back to allow seating to 2 - 3 people. Asked for the price in the local dialect aware that the chances of the biker understand the dialect being 50/50 - but a great way to tell him that I'm from the area and not to try to ripp me off. We settled on RMB6.00 double of the normal rate since very few bikers are working right now.
I stopped by a hair salon first - my hair while not messy by Capetonian standards has not seen a pair of sicossors in almost 3 months and lacked that neatness that can only come from regular trimming, dryer and comb. So again I paid a higher price than normal for a wash, cut and rinse (RMB30) and walked out feeling confident that this time my grandmother would not complain about my appearances. Long sleaves, black polished leather shoes, neatly trimmed and blow-dried hair, long pants without too much wrinkles.
Upon entering the house I was greated by my grandmother, my uncle and his wife. As social covention would dictate they asked if I had my meal. I said no and told them I would do my normal thing and go find my favourite dish in the whole wide world. A steamed rice sheets with lots of goodies rolled inside. My favourite dish since a kid and about the only thing I look forward to everytime I come to this hole which I once called my home.
The next few hours after my meal was spent talking to my grandmother. She is still incredibly healthy for a woman her age, but since being hit by a car a few years ago her mobility is badly affected. The injury wasn't the main problem, rather the treatment. The doctors there drilled a hole in her leg and tied a string attached to a brick to straighten and realign her bone. When my dad finally got back to visit her in hospital he was appalled and rightly called my distantly related uncles and aunts idiots for letting them do this to her. She was almost immediately taken to a major city where they gave her some proper medical treatment that wasn't obsolete half a century ago.
She would always complain about the one ocassion when I returned without extra cloths and wearing a pair of pants worn at the knees. I guess that occassion was a constant source of shame for her - one which she would never let me forget. She seems to enjoy our conversation and for the most part I return the sentiment. We talked of many things, mostly about my father and how much he is becoming more and more like my grandfather. However, I can't help but suspect that she is already making arrangements for her life in the afterlife with all the talks of offerings to ancestors.
That night I went to my in laws house and waited for my sister to get back from a school reunion dinner. As I walked closer to the stair case I found my nephew and niece playing with their cousins - lighting fireworks and bangers - nostalgic since it was hard to remember New Years without fireworks there.
I spoke a bit with the in-laws and later that night my cousins phoned and we decided for a late night meal - can you guess what I wanted? My three male cousins and their wife and girlfriend went with me and my sister. I was surprised to only find one wive since the third one recently married and fathered a baby girl. He told me that we will met tomorrow morning just before I leave for Hong Kong again.
Morning came and I got up to have my breakfast - you guessed it: rice sheets. My cousin then came to pick me up so I can finally met the wife and daughter. I did so and was surprised at how tall his wife is, just slightly shorter than me. As for the 6 month baby old girl, well I always found infants to look a like a small monkey...and this was no exception.
I met up with one of my "aunts" at the bus stop as she was going with me to Hong Kong to visit my mom. She has never left the province before, completely illiterate and barely speaks even Mandarin. I was really worried about going through customs with her since I has a SA passport and will be in a completely different areas when going through customs.
I slept through the entire bus trip because I barely had 3 hours of sleep the night before. My aunt however didn't do so well. She suffered from motion sickness and kept throwing up the whole way. As swak as this might sound, I'm glad that I was asleep for most of it. The passage from Luohu was quick and painless actually and we soon found ourselves in the train going back to Hong Kong arriving at around 10:30pm.
Upon disembarking the bus I immediately flagged down a "bicycle" used as a poor man's taxi. It's effectively a bicycle that has been modified to attach a small coach at the back to allow seating to 2 - 3 people. Asked for the price in the local dialect aware that the chances of the biker understand the dialect being 50/50 - but a great way to tell him that I'm from the area and not to try to ripp me off. We settled on RMB6.00 double of the normal rate since very few bikers are working right now.
I stopped by a hair salon first - my hair while not messy by Capetonian standards has not seen a pair of sicossors in almost 3 months and lacked that neatness that can only come from regular trimming, dryer and comb. So again I paid a higher price than normal for a wash, cut and rinse (RMB30) and walked out feeling confident that this time my grandmother would not complain about my appearances. Long sleaves, black polished leather shoes, neatly trimmed and blow-dried hair, long pants without too much wrinkles.
Upon entering the house I was greated by my grandmother, my uncle and his wife. As social covention would dictate they asked if I had my meal. I said no and told them I would do my normal thing and go find my favourite dish in the whole wide world. A steamed rice sheets with lots of goodies rolled inside. My favourite dish since a kid and about the only thing I look forward to everytime I come to this hole which I once called my home.
The next few hours after my meal was spent talking to my grandmother. She is still incredibly healthy for a woman her age, but since being hit by a car a few years ago her mobility is badly affected. The injury wasn't the main problem, rather the treatment. The doctors there drilled a hole in her leg and tied a string attached to a brick to straighten and realign her bone. When my dad finally got back to visit her in hospital he was appalled and rightly called my distantly related uncles and aunts idiots for letting them do this to her. She was almost immediately taken to a major city where they gave her some proper medical treatment that wasn't obsolete half a century ago.
She would always complain about the one ocassion when I returned without extra cloths and wearing a pair of pants worn at the knees. I guess that occassion was a constant source of shame for her - one which she would never let me forget. She seems to enjoy our conversation and for the most part I return the sentiment. We talked of many things, mostly about my father and how much he is becoming more and more like my grandfather. However, I can't help but suspect that she is already making arrangements for her life in the afterlife with all the talks of offerings to ancestors.
That night I went to my in laws house and waited for my sister to get back from a school reunion dinner. As I walked closer to the stair case I found my nephew and niece playing with their cousins - lighting fireworks and bangers - nostalgic since it was hard to remember New Years without fireworks there.
I spoke a bit with the in-laws and later that night my cousins phoned and we decided for a late night meal - can you guess what I wanted? My three male cousins and their wife and girlfriend went with me and my sister. I was surprised to only find one wive since the third one recently married and fathered a baby girl. He told me that we will met tomorrow morning just before I leave for Hong Kong again.
Morning came and I got up to have my breakfast - you guessed it: rice sheets. My cousin then came to pick me up so I can finally met the wife and daughter. I did so and was surprised at how tall his wife is, just slightly shorter than me. As for the 6 month baby old girl, well I always found infants to look a like a small monkey...and this was no exception.
I met up with one of my "aunts" at the bus stop as she was going with me to Hong Kong to visit my mom. She has never left the province before, completely illiterate and barely speaks even Mandarin. I was really worried about going through customs with her since I has a SA passport and will be in a completely different areas when going through customs.
I slept through the entire bus trip because I barely had 3 hours of sleep the night before. My aunt however didn't do so well. She suffered from motion sickness and kept throwing up the whole way. As swak as this might sound, I'm glad that I was asleep for most of it. The passage from Luohu was quick and painless actually and we soon found ourselves in the train going back to Hong Kong arriving at around 10:30pm.
New Years in the Middle Kingdom - Leaving HK
The last time I wrote about my time in China was during the Olympics and how my pride of being a Chinese has swollen to unprecedented levels. It was there during the Olympics that I cemented what has been brewing inside of me for ages, yet I could not place a name to that feeling. Now I know - national pride.
This time round I found myself in China during the Lunar New Year for the first time since setting foot in South Africa in 1991. Red banners and paired poetry stickers decorate every front door of every house. For the first time ever I saw a Hong Kong that was quiet and without the usual buzz of activity. In Shenzhen and my home town, children and adults alike decorated the skyline with fireworks of varying sizes and shapes and the night was illuminated unlike any other way possible. Policeman running around in Shenzhen trying to stop people from setting off fireworks that flew barely higher than the average skyscrapers - yet I suspect that even they knew how futile the attempts are at stopping this cultural pastime.
I left Hong Kong on the 2nd for Shenzhen and stayed a night there in the "Watercube" massage parlour - the latest and most luxurious addition to the already impressive lineup. I got there at around 8:30pm after noodles at a fairly random restaurant I saw around.
The next morning I woke up and got onto the first bus to my home town. I brought the last ticket and so ended up at the last row sandwhiched between a family of four. The trip was fairly quick and painless thanks to plenty of reading and listening material (audiobooks)
This time round I found myself in China during the Lunar New Year for the first time since setting foot in South Africa in 1991. Red banners and paired poetry stickers decorate every front door of every house. For the first time ever I saw a Hong Kong that was quiet and without the usual buzz of activity. In Shenzhen and my home town, children and adults alike decorated the skyline with fireworks of varying sizes and shapes and the night was illuminated unlike any other way possible. Policeman running around in Shenzhen trying to stop people from setting off fireworks that flew barely higher than the average skyscrapers - yet I suspect that even they knew how futile the attempts are at stopping this cultural pastime.
I left Hong Kong on the 2nd for Shenzhen and stayed a night there in the "Watercube" massage parlour - the latest and most luxurious addition to the already impressive lineup. I got there at around 8:30pm after noodles at a fairly random restaurant I saw around.
The next morning I woke up and got onto the first bus to my home town. I brought the last ticket and so ended up at the last row sandwhiched between a family of four. The trip was fairly quick and painless thanks to plenty of reading and listening material (audiobooks)
More Race Stuff
Is race not one of the most interesting, controversial and most animated topic? I mean, it remains the staple subject matter for most comedians and remains to be a topic that is constantly researched, talked about, debated and rallied around despite what seems to be half a centuary of liberation and equality for all in all major Western countries.
Yesterday after lunch with Julia and Katlego while driving we were stopped by a police check point and was immediately asked to show our passports. I was at first perplexed by the request and when Julia and I presented our drivers licenses he once again asked for our passports. We spent a bit of time convincing him that we don't have our passports because we are all South African citizens and "he looked so bleak" quoting Julia when he realises that we are indeed South African citizens. Getting in the car Katlego told us that the police officer asked him in Zulu if he was runnig some kind of unofficial taxi service. I mean, he was a black guy driving a car with two Chinese in the car - he must be the chaffeur.
It was an amusing encounter, Julia described him as such a big asshole/jerk that it actually funny, he was truly disappointed by the fact that he could find nothing wrong with us - depressed even. I understand that we were within 2km of about 3 different Chinese supermarkets and I have been told by my boss that there always tons of police check points around and they always pull over trucks with Chinese drivers and try to extort bribes from them. In my mind, he just saw two Chinese in the car and thought "cash-cow" on seeing Katlego he immediately thought "Aw! Illegal taxi-driver."
Now, I could be wrong in assuming his motives for being such a big dick, but I can't really think of any rational reason for him behavouir. Regardless of whether he was corrupt or not is another irrelevent point though. His actions spoke louder than words the current racial zeitgeist in South Africa.
Again the irony was that the three of us were on our way to the apartheid musuem.
Yesterday after lunch with Julia and Katlego while driving we were stopped by a police check point and was immediately asked to show our passports. I was at first perplexed by the request and when Julia and I presented our drivers licenses he once again asked for our passports. We spent a bit of time convincing him that we don't have our passports because we are all South African citizens and "he looked so bleak" quoting Julia when he realises that we are indeed South African citizens. Getting in the car Katlego told us that the police officer asked him in Zulu if he was runnig some kind of unofficial taxi service. I mean, he was a black guy driving a car with two Chinese in the car - he must be the chaffeur.
It was an amusing encounter, Julia described him as such a big asshole/jerk that it actually funny, he was truly disappointed by the fact that he could find nothing wrong with us - depressed even. I understand that we were within 2km of about 3 different Chinese supermarkets and I have been told by my boss that there always tons of police check points around and they always pull over trucks with Chinese drivers and try to extort bribes from them. In my mind, he just saw two Chinese in the car and thought "cash-cow" on seeing Katlego he immediately thought "Aw! Illegal taxi-driver."
Now, I could be wrong in assuming his motives for being such a big dick, but I can't really think of any rational reason for him behavouir. Regardless of whether he was corrupt or not is another irrelevent point though. His actions spoke louder than words the current racial zeitgeist in South Africa.
Again the irony was that the three of us were on our way to the apartheid musuem.
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