Sins of the Father

Towards the end of April I had dinner with my aunt (the younger sister of my father) and it was a rather strange affair considering that I haven't seen her since my grandfathers funeral four years ago.

My father and his sibling used to be very close and I always had fond memories of this woman who was warm and affectionate. Describing their relations as strained nowadays would be an under-statement - they haven't spoken for almost 4 years and if it wasn't the passing of my grandfathers I don't think they would've seen each other for a much longer time. Both embody the classic family trait of headstrong, stubborn and unforgiving, the same traits that allowed members of the extended family to flourish during the worst of times in China and now practically conquering Southern Africa.

For the most part - without taking sides the simple truth is that within the struggle for power that ensured in the DRC my dad and uncle lost whilst my aunt won. My dad is bitter that he lost and to be fair my father is acting like a kid because of it.

This meeting was long overdue, for the most part I still hold this aunt in high regard partially because I was the youngest and partially because out of the all the grandchildren I was the most loved. So sitting for breakfast at the Pivot Hotel in Monte Casino waiting for my aunt was an unusual feeling of anticipation and sadness I wondered "How did our family get to this point? That meeting a favourite aunt needed to be treaded so carefully."

Regardless, soon after her arrival the conversation went quickly and rather painfully - she appealed to me to forget whatever happened between her and her elder brother, that whatever happens between them is between them and shouldn't having any bearing on what our relationship should be like.

To me that comment can be rather disingenuous - as the main benefactor to my fathers fortunes her gain was my loss (a huge one at that) and setting the precedence that I have to be careful around this woman. I also have no doubt that my cousins will also have their guards up around me due to my father - the seeds of distrust has been sown.

No, dear Aunty - sins of the father will pass one from generation to generation. If our family were the forgiving type we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I will continue to remember you as that kind and generous woman that has greeted me whenever I was in Hong Kong, but things will never be the same again between us, I will always be careful around you from now on. For that I'm truly sad.