I had an interesting experience a while back in Cape Town. I was having dinner with JC and her now re-united boyfriend and was placed in an unfamiliar situation - the boyfriend felt threatened by me.
Seriously, considering that I've known JC for a long time means that I knew PDA (Pubic Display of Affection) was never her thing and from recollection they were never this...energetic in front of people at even the best of times. No - the conclusion that I drew from the evening was that he felt threatened by me and felt somehow compelled to actually mark his territory - which I don't understand why. JC is very cool and pretty and all, but I think after over a decade of friendship nothing is going to happen between us. At first I thought I was imagining this animosity and so I spent most of the time trying my best to break the ice between us and be inclusive of him in our conversations. But it was later confirmed by another friend who was also in attendance at that restaurant.
Regardless - I retold this story to another friend, and he made a comment that gave me pause: "Well you do sort of have that reputation with other peoples girlfriends." At first I thought it was just a joke, then afterwards that line lingered and it hit me.
In our little group of friends, I had a crush on a good mates girlfriend. It was something that I sort of kept to myself for the duration of their relationship and a year after they broke up I finally worked up courage to ask her out. He knew about that incident. Then there was one occasion at my dinner party where one of the guests remarked on how much his current girlfriend seems to like me. It then came together in my head. I then understood why he never brought his girlfriend with him despite my numerous invitation to the both of them for meals, drinks or other social gatherings. He is genuinely scared of me. Not only that, from that comment I realised that he wasn't the only one who felt that way about me in our social circle.
Since then I have re-looked at a lot of my female friends boyfriends reactions to me and I reached the same conclusion with most of them, most of them feels uncomfortable when I'm around their girlfriends - one of them which such open hostility that I wonder why I haven't noticed till now.
Looking back there is two possible reasons for this sudden onset of hostility: 1.) My mistrust of people has grown and I have started to read peoples reactions to me even in social situations. 2.) I've only recently became a threat.
1.) would mean that experience in the "real world" corporate environment and having my heart shuttered into a million pieces has now influenced me to the point where I'm constantly vigilantly reading people 24/7. Which is a good thing, because I normally am a huge idiot in reading people in social situations.
2.) Would mean that something has changed in the last 2 years - that caused all these boyfriends to find my presence and friendship with their respective girlfriends uneasy.
The vanity in me want to believe in both of them, that I've grown most accustomed to putting my guard up with people and also that things has changed in the last 2 years that caused them to the weary.
I would like to think after these 2 years I've learnt to flatter people and engage them - that my social skills has improved dramatically and my tact is now leaps and bounds ahead of my old self. I would also like to think that after so much hard work on my physique that I've become a great deal more attractive if not bordering on good looking. The third change I suspect isn't the change in me but rather the change in other people's opinions. I have always been known to be a rich kid who will eventually have keys to the family fortune - but I guess for guys and girls alike when you're young you don't really put much weight into this - I mean we were all meant to become rock-stars and billionaires so who cares if your dad is merely "wealthy." I guess now more than ever my fathers wealth is an attractive "feature" to woman.
Regardless of the reason, because right now only thing that I care about is this: thank you for your highest compliments. Your insecurities towards me is just another testimony towards what I've done right and continue to help me build my self-esteem and also my confidence with woman. Rest assured that I will not put any "moves" on your girlfriends - really and honestly. Simply because I know that with all my female friends I have missed my chance to be more than just friends a long long time ago.
2 comments:
Very interesting post. Judging by your previous posts on how much effort you did put in, and judging by the fact that you show a tendency towards self-reflection, I'd say you're near-target on both points. Nothing wrong with acknowledging that the effort you put into your body came with a pay-off. I think your finances are more of a threat to the boyfriends ego's than a reason for women to be attracted, but hey, I grew up with quite a bit of money so I've never seen it in that way at all. Bottom line - guys feeling threatened is a sign of their own issues.
Thanks...I guess :P
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